I had a Dr. appointment yesterday with a spine surgeon. He looked at my MRI films, pointed out the large herniation and the “edema”:http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=edema around the disk, and recommended I get surgery. However, he didn’t suggest the discectomy that I had two years ago, instead he told me that I need a “fusion”:http://www.davmarpad.com/The_Back_Pain_Information_Web.htm#ALIF which pretty much scared the wits out of me. He informed me that there would be an 80% chance that I would be restored to a pain free life. There are also the same risks that go with any surgery: complications, infection, death. He also asked if we wanted to have more children. That was when I really got scared. He said it has been reported (though he’s never seen it happen) that after this surgery some men have experienced “retrograde ejaculation”:http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001282.htm (I’ll just let you read up on that, ok?) The other ‘complication’ he mentioned was that some men are unable to have an erection after this surgery, though he’s never seen that happen either.
As scary as those possibilities are, the scariest thing to me is the fact that the surgeon would go in through my abdomen to work on my spine. It gives me the heebie jeebies. The doctor could tell I was in shock after learning all this so he told me to make an appointment for three weeks hence and take some time to make a decision. More than likely I’ll get the surgery; living with the daily pain has to be worse than any side effects.
This appointment and my back problems more or less coming to a head have coincided with a revival evangelist visiting our church. The result being that I’m feeling closer to God than ever. And not just because I’m asking him daily for answers and for healing, but also for all the wonderful blessings he has given me: my awesome family, my beautiful son, supportive church, so many good things that often get overlooked during times of stress and crisis.
I’m also asking him many times throughout the day for guidance in my career and education. I had been attending the University of Phoenix, pursuing a degree in Information Technology. But I’ve since reconsidered my career goal and I’m now leaning towards a degree in English and a possible career as a teacher. I just need to know that there is a career out there for me that I can do well at and enjoy. I need a job that is rewarding in ways other than financial. A friend told me recently, “Do what you love, and the money will follow.” I hope that’s true. They don’t offer degrees in English at University of Phoenix, but they do at National University, which is the same type of private college for working adults.
So many things going on, so much up in the air right now. Any and all prayers for me, my family, and my back are most certainly appreciated.