Every Christmas season I have such good intentions of getting cards out the day after Thanksgiving and getting every person I know the most thoughtful gift imaginable. Every Christmas season I disappoint myself. Tomorrow is Christmas and nary a card has gone out. We’re pretty broke this year and the thoughtful gifts are going to remain mostly just thoughts. When does it get easier? When will I learn how to manage my time. When will I be financially independent and able to do the things I dream of doing? Christmas is so darn hectic: get up early to drive to Jen’s sister’s in Diamond Springs and watch her nephews open gifts (they’re young boys), then try to leave there in the late morning to drive to my mom’s for gift opening and Christmas Dinner. There’s always someone who wants you at their house and you have to tell them you’re sorry, that you’re not going to be able to make it to their house this year. Next year, Liam will be a year and a half old and I think my days of having to travel for Christmas are going to be over.
After re-reading this post, it sounds a bit scroogish and that’s not the feel I was going for, nor do I dread the holidays. I enjoy getting up early and going to see the rest of our family. We have a great family and it’s a joy to spend holidays with them. I guess I just sometimes feel that we spend a lot of holiday time with Jen’s family and mine gets left behind a little bit. It’s probably not true, just a skewed perception I have because things are so different now than they were when I was young. It also makes me sad that my brother Wes, who is 17 now, didn’t get the full family Christmas experience that I always got, because our dad left when Wes was 10 – I was 26. Sometimes I feel responsible, well guilty really, that I didn’t do more, or wasn’t more of a presense in his life after our dad left and I think some of that guilt still carries over into Christmas when I’m spending the morning with Jen’s family instead of mine.
Wow, I didn’t want this to turn into a post about broken families or guilt or blame or any of that. All I wanted to do was point out that I always have good intentions for the holidays but then run out of time or don’t manage my time well.
Have a great, safe, exciting and blessed day tomorrow. Merry Christmas.