I’m a Dad

Burping the Baby

I’m writing this to warn all of you parents-to-be, and to shake my fist at those of you who are already parents and are perpetuating a lie. My concern here is the apparent innocence inherent in the phrase “burping the baby.” This phrase conjures images of little junior contentedly slurping away at a bottle, or a breast, and occasionally being hefted up and patted soothingly a time or two, after which he will emit a cute little baby belch and then happily go back to eating. Let me assure you, this is not the way it happens. (I think my wife can also write a lengthy dissertation on the myths of breastfeeding.)

Most of the time when junior is eating, the event is interspersed with little breaks sduring which he will either whine or cry or outright scream bloody murder – frustrating for everyone involved, believe me.

And the burping? Here’s the lie that has been perpetuated for longer than recorded history: when a baby burps, it’s not just air. There is usually a fair amount of milk that comes up with it. You can try to have a diaper, or a burp towel, on your shoulder but chances are pretty good that the baby won’t be facing it when the burp comes up. More than likely his target will be your face, your clothes, his clothes, the furniture, or quite possibly all of the above.

Jen and I were amazed at all the clothes people gave us for our baby showers (we had 5). We (well I anyway) figured there would be no way he could wear all those clothes before he outgrew them. I figured a baby could wear the same clothes a couple days in a row. It’s not like he’s going to be out rolling in the mud or sliding in the grass any time soon. He will, however, be spewing vomit whichever way his head is pointed. I swear my son goes through 3 or 4 outfits a day, not including his night-time pajamas. His clothes are constantly wet. So, for that matter, is my wife. She complained the other day that it would be nice to go through just one day without being drenched with baby puke. He usually doesn’t get me unless I’ve just put on a clean shirt.

In the hospital a nurse told us that breast-fed babies tend not to spit up as much. A lie. Don’t trust nurses, they’re laughing at you behind your back and taking pictures of your poor funny-looking newborn to show their friends at parties.

So, the myth has been dispelled: when it comes to babies, burping equals spitting-up. Do your best to keep them pointed away from you or you’ll soon experience that hot, wet milk bath yourself.

- Take care and God bless.